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Understanding Enemy, Neighbor, and Friend.
Introduction
Human relationships are complex and navigating them with wisdom requires understanding and discernment. The Bible, rich in spiritual principles, offers profound insight into the distinctions between enemies, neighbors, and friends. These categories are not rigid labels but dynamic roles that people may shift between, depending on circumstances, character, and time. This essay explores these differences from a biblical standpoint, emphasizing how we should approach people with neighborly love, discern character through spiritual fruits, and allow friendship to blossom through mutual trust and integrity.
Starting with being a Neighbor
When we meet someone for the first time, we do not know their intentions or the disposition of their heart. Scripture teaches us not to prejudge or assume evil but to begin with a posture of love and openness. Jesus instructed His followers in Luke 10:27, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” This command forms the foundation of how we should treat others initially—not as friends or enemies, but as neighbors deserving of respect, kindness, and compassion.
Even if someone might secretly harbor hostility, Jesus makes it clear how we should respond. In Matthew 5:44, He says, “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.” These words go beyond passive tolerance. They call us to active goodness—even toward those who might seek to harm us.
Neighbor, cont'd
Thus, when we encounter someone new, we approach with neighborly care. If the person is hungry, we feed them. If thirsty, we give them something to drink (Matthew 25:35). We do this expecting nothing in return, because the kindness we show is not based on reciprocity—it is based on the example of Christ. Romans 12:20 reinforces this mindset: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.” This verse encourages us to overcome evil with good, using kindness as a transformative force.
Watching for the Fruit
Even as we do good, we are called to discernment. While we treat people as neighbors, we must watch for their fruit. In Matthew 7:16-20, Jesus teaches: “You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? … A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit… Therefore by their fruits you will know them.” Fruit in this context refers to a person’s character, behavior, and spiritual maturity.
The Bible doesn’t tell us to be naïve. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Guarding the heart means we must be wise about who we allow close. While initial kindness is always appropriate, closeness must be earned over time through consistent, trustworthy actions. Galatians 5:22-23 outlines the fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. When we begin to see these traits in someone, it indicates that the person may be safe, sincere, and capable of a deeper connection.
From Neighbor to Friend
Once a pattern of good fruit is established, a relationship can grow beyond neighborly kindness. It begins to mature into friendship—one rooted in mutual respect, integrity, and dependability. Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” A true friend is not merely someone we get along with but someone who stands with us through trials.
Friendship, in the biblical sense, is a deep bond of trust and loyalty. Proverbs 18:24 notes, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” This level of relationship doesn’t happen instantly; it grows through shared experiences, honesty, and accountability.
Jesus Himself modeled the transition from servant to friend. In John 15:15, He told His disciples, “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” Friendship, therefore, involves openness and trust, the sharing of one’s heart and life in a way that is meaningful and secure.
Caution Regarding Enemies
While we treat others with love, the reality is that not everyone has good intentions. An enemy, according to Scripture, is someone who opposes or seeks to harm. However, even when faced with enemies, our response is not retaliation but grace. Romans 12:19 reminds us, “Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.” Our role is not to repay evil but to respond with integrity and allow God to judge righteously.
At the same time, it is wise to keep distance from those who are unrepentantly wicked or toxic. Proverbs 22:24-25 warns, “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.” While kindness is always required, closeness is not. Being neighborly doesn’t mean inviting everyone into your inner circle.
Conclusion
In summary, the biblical distinction between enemy, neighbor, and friend offers a roadmap for godly relationships. We are called to begin every encounter with neighborly love—doing good without expectation, even when unsure of someone’s true nature. As time progresses, we are to watch for spiritual fruit—evidence of character and sincerity. If those fruits are good, the relationship may grow into lasting friendship, characterized by loyalty, trust, and mutual support.
Friendship is not instant; it is cultivated. Neighborliness is the seed. Good fruit is the proof. Friendship is the harvest.
As followers of Christ, we must embody His love and wisdom, remembering always that every relationship is an opportunity—for kindness, for discernment, and for growth. Whether facing an enemy, meeting a neighbor, or nurturing a friendship, the Word of God remains our guide and standard.